Tuesday, March 15, 2011


Its been a long while since I wrote anything. A lot has changed. We are now the McMuffin 3 and not McMuffin 4. Pops moved out in September and we have divorced. It was a long time coming. I was so unhappy and I know I made everyone else unhappy. We probably should have done this years ago. About 8 or 9 years ago it almost happened and I just couldn't do it. We both knew then how unhappy I was and had been many years before that. There were times it got a little better but I was just there for the kids. When your adopted or rather when your an only child and your parents have passed splitting from a spouse is scary. Even in the good times I knew I wanted out but my McMuffins are my life. There are times when being lonely takes over when I need a backup plan and I have no one. When Pops and I split, it broke McMuffin's heart. It totally blindsided him. I knew it would. Pops is his hero. He never saw any of the things that I saw or heard. Hopefully he can see how happy I am and learn to accept my new life. I have reconnected with an old love, someone that I have loved for a very long time. He has always had this effect on me. He makes me smile and laugh. I can be myself with him and he understands. He loves my kids and I love his son and also the one he "adopted". He is amazing and always has been. Will I tie the knot again? I have no idea. Only time will tell. I've been hearing this question alot lately but I have no idea what the future will bring. I would gladly do anything and everything for him. I love being loved by him. I love watching him with all the boys and all the kids that come to his house. He once told me he would never do it again and I totally understand. But to see McMuffin with him and watch them together knowing how long I have waited for them to connect like this (17 long years) just brings tears to my eyes. To see all three or rather 4 kids together is just unbelieveable. They all 4 deserve parents that love one another. This we can give them whether we are married or not. I'm totally ok with that. But to hear McMuffin singing with the other boys is just more than I thought would ever happen three months ago. Scooter just rolled with the flow but I didn't think McMuffin ever would get there or forgive me. Looks like he has finally forgiven me and is on board. I looked at my sexy mechanic yesterday and I just knew. This is it. Having a house full of kids is what I was meant to do. We will go broke trying to feed them all but having this country palace as the hang out for all these kids is just amazing. Kids laying everywhere and loving us both. I love you Gil, Ricky, Billy, Scott and yes even you Christian. You are apart of this crazy family now and always.

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