Leading up to Christmas

Just a week is left until Christmas. The outside decorations went up early this year. I was surprised that Pop wanted to put lights up since I usually do and he never gets around to it. I gave up years ago trying to make this happen. After the lights went up we put the tree up. Last year I didn't want a tree up. It just makes me sad since the money is low and I feel like I let the kids down when they do not get what they want for Christmas. This year it will be more of the same. Pop took the list, and since Pop gets a Christmas bonus check and I dont, he goes shopping. I tagged along and gave a little direction on some things but try to stay quiet. Its up to him. I can't do what I've always done and I can't get the big things they want so I just keep my mouth closed. Do you know how hard that is? The one day the following week I get it all out and count and see how many they each got. As usual one had more than the other so Pop gets to go back and fix that problem this weekend. I'll give just a little direction and see what happens. Scooter has already notice there is not much under the tree. They each have three small gifts, I have one and Pop has none under the tree. His was his motorcycle riding suit he already has. This makes me super sad but nothing I can do about it. All my income goes to pay the bills and there is nothing left for extras. There would be extra if and when I get the doctor bills paid (6 more months hopefully) and then try getting the tutoring bill paid after that. The bonus check seemed to pay Pops parents back the money he had borrowed from them and also pay for the leather motorcycle riding suit first, then Christmas second or rather third. Hopefully by next Christmas it won't be so hard and I'll be more in the spirit. Until then Bah Humbug!!