"Daddy Built"

I love how my life has changed in the past few months. These days I don't mind coming home and washing clothes, washing dishes, sweeping or just cleaning up in general. These days I can zip through ALL the bedrooms gathering up clothes that all the boys left just laying around. Its almost funny when I walk into the laundry room knowing that at least 4 or more took showers and I find only 1 maybe 2 towels in there and I have to go find the rest along with greasy jeans, tshirts, socks etc. Never know where they will show up. So walk room to room I do each and every day all the while laughing about it.

Most days after finding all the laundry and getting it going I'm walking around finding all the coke, dr pepper, pepsi, diet dr pepper cans and anything else my crew of guys have left laying around. Do I get it spotless? Oh no way. They will just have it messy again in a few minutes so why even try. I do try and keep it semi picked up for them and I try and keep it swept so the floors are not nasty but I know they are coming in from outside in the garage or out of the driveway where there is sand etc so it really does no good at all. After getting it all semi picked up I'm ready to cook.

After spending many years trying to cook something that my family would eat then giving up cause I couldn't please anyone, I'm happy to say this group will eat anything and everything. They just don't care. Doesn't matter what it is if I cook it they will eat it. There are days they start asking what's for supper early that day cause they all know that on most days we will cook. Its all new for me and I love it. Yes I was meant to have a house full of boys. I love it.

As I sit inside watching tv or cooking or just cleaning up I usually hear bang, bang, bang coming from the garage. I know that my sweetheart is out there working on one of the race cars. Right now its Billys car and Ricky's will land in the garage just as soon as Billy's comes out. Oh how this man loves these boys. I've been in the background a long long time but never up close to it all until now. I've been really good friends forever it seems with him. I would loose touch with him then he would find me again. I don't care how much noise he makes, or how dirty he gets out there. I don't care if I go weeks with no alone time with him or if he spends all his free time with these boys. All these boys will be gone before long. Gone whether its to college or to a job or eventually off to get married and have a family of their own. Time is rapidly speeding away and there is nothing we can do to stop it. So for now I share this man with all these boys. All these cars are "Daddy Built" and thats just the way I want it. He makes sure they are safe and that they have fun. He also makes sure they learn something as it goes on as he has them doing much of the work themselves. Hopefully when they are grown they will be outside in the garage with their son's building race cars and teaching the next generation and having fun. Oh how I love this man. Yep. Our time will come one day. For now its all about the boys. Love you Ricky, Billy, Scott & Christian plus all the friends that just come hang out and I of course love you Gil. You are the light of my life, you plus all "our" boys.

Racin season

Big C's car is looking great. They have all put in lots of time on this car. The first time Mcmuffin saw it he thought there was no way it would be running any time soon but it is. The boys had to take a small break for G's surgery but after a couple weeks plus having spring break they have really gotten busy and pulled it all together. This weekend is practice. We can see how good it runs and what they need to do to it. I can't wait. Watching all this fall into place is amazing. I leave every morning for work while they sleep in and then get up and work on the race car. When I come back from work I can really tell the difference. Just as soon as they have this one finished they will start working on Billy's Nova. I'm not sure how long that will take as it is at the begining stages. They will have to put the roll cage in before getting the other things put together. Have to make sure Billy is safe above all else. Then after that its Codys and Mcmuffin's. We could end up with 4 cars this year. Now to find a trailer to pull them all. At least all the boys are now old enough to drive so they can help get the cars to the track. Its almost race time and I'm excited. I can't wait to go listen to all the cars. This is where this all began almost 19 years ago and we have come full circle it seems and I'm loving it and all of these boys.

changes

Its been a long while since I wrote anything. A lot has changed. We are now the McMuffin 3 and not McMuffin 4. Pops moved out in September and we have divorced. It was a long time coming. I was so unhappy and I know I made everyone else unhappy. We probably should have done this years ago. About 8 or 9 years ago it almost happened and I just couldn't do it. We both knew then how unhappy I was and had been many years before that. There were times it got a little better but I was just there for the kids. When your adopted or rather when your an only child and your parents have passed splitting from a spouse is scary. Even in the good times I knew I wanted out but my McMuffins are my life. There are times when being lonely takes over when I need a backup plan and I have no one. When Pops and I split, it broke McMuffin's heart. It totally blindsided him. I knew it would. Pops is his hero. He never saw any of the things that I saw or heard. Hopefully he can see how happy I am and learn to accept my new life. I have reconnected with an old love, someone that I have loved for a very long time. He has always had this effect on me. He makes me smile and laugh. I can be myself with him and he understands. He loves my kids and I love his son and also the one he "adopted". He is amazing and always has been. Will I tie the knot again? I have no idea. Only time will tell. I've been hearing this question alot lately but I have no idea what the future will bring. I would gladly do anything and everything for him. I love being loved by him. I love watching him with all the boys and all the kids that come to his house. He once told me he would never do it again and I totally understand. But to see McMuffin with him and watch them together knowing how long I have waited for them to connect like this (17 long years) just brings tears to my eyes. To see all three or rather 4 kids together is just unbelieveable. They all 4 deserve parents that love one another. This we can give them whether we are married or not. I'm totally ok with that. But to hear McMuffin singing with the other boys is just more than I thought would ever happen three months ago. Scooter just rolled with the flow but I didn't think McMuffin ever would get there or forgive me. Looks like he has finally forgiven me and is on board. I looked at my sexy mechanic yesterday and I just knew. This is it. Having a house full of kids is what I was meant to do. We will go broke trying to feed them all but having this country palace as the hang out for all these kids is just amazing. Kids laying everywhere and loving us both. I love you Gil, Ricky, Billy, Scott and yes even you Christian. You are apart of this crazy family now and always.

Summer

Summer is coming to an end. Books are being read, football practice every morning is coming to an end. We have had a wonderful fun filled summer. We went on vacation for the first time as a family in many many years. It actually turned out kinda nice. Hopefully we can make this an annual event. For too many years it has been just me & the boys. They always want their dad to come but he never has time for us. We went to Chattanooga and stayed for a few days. Went to caves, dinner and a mystery show, aquarium, rode the incline and a few other things. Took lots of photos. We have also gone canoeing this summer. I love floating down the river and having fun. I've found more and more ole friends on facebook or rather they found me. I love reconnecting with them. We have had cookouts with friends, gone out to eat and just reconnected. One of my lost loves also found me on facebook. I was so happy to see him even if it was on a computer. I'm learning to live knowing that I'm not #1 in certain people's life even if I should be. I still have no air in my car. Yes I know this is the 4th summer. I've been told I will NOT ever have air in my car. It needs to be replaced but that won't happen for a few more years. For now I'm driving my old '94 Ford Ranger that does have air. It looks horrible and I really do not like having to drive it but since it has air I will love it. I want my car fixed but unless I find a way to fix it myself it will not be fixed. Scooter has been invited to be a US Student Ambassador with People to People for next summer. I sure wish I had the money to make it happen. I don't think that I can raise that kind of money or I would jump at the chance. Hopefully in another two years I can let him go. I hate that his brother was allowed to go but now he can't go also. Trip of a lifetime. Wish I had known about this group when I was growing up. I would have gone, no doubt about it. We are working on my in-laws 50th wedding anniversary party. That's something that really needs to be celebrated. Will I ever make it that far knowing that I'm not #1. I have to learn to get past his toys being #1. Always have been and will always be that way I guess. First it was the horses, then team roping, then cowboy mounted shooting and now that the horses are sold but we still have the horse trailer and we have added motorcycles. I refuse to ride. I have kids to raise. I don't want on one of those things with kids to raise. Wonder what I can get into before school starts back.

School is almost out

Well school is almost out. We survived the 10th & 6th grades. McMuffin is exempt from all final exams. 6th grade does not allow that so Scooter will have to take his. McMuffin is still loving his job at McAllister's and has bought himself a truck. He is learning just how far his paycheck will not go. He is learning how to budget and manage his own paycheck with is always a good thing. He ask for extra hours and loves having his own money. Scooter is about to be allowed into the youth program at church. He can't wait. I just hope it lives up to his expectations. I loved my youth group growing up but found out really quick that it was not what i expected when I was allowed to attend. Hopefully he will fit in like he wants to and have really good friends there. We are planning out little mini vacation. This will be the first time in many many years we have all gone somewhere together. Usually its just me and the boys. Mcdaddy usually skips these events. We are going back to the Smokey Mountains. The boys and I went a few years ago and had so much fun. They want McDaddy to go then but he wouldn't/couldn't. Like I said this will be a short trip so we will not be able to do much. We plan on going to Rock City, Ruby Falls and go through some other caves. I'm taking my handy dandy camera and hopefully getting so really good pics this time. Hope everyone has a great end of the school year and a fun summer.

Frustrated Mom

Yes that describes me today. Christmas came and went and so did the new year. Work is busy as usual and the boys are back in school. I'm glad to be back on a schedule. I usually walk daily with two ladies from the neighborhood. Friday morning started as usual with us walking but it was super cold. When we started out it was 17 degrees and I had on 4 layers of clothes and two sets of gloves. I sure didn't want to get cold but I do need to walk. We were walking right along until the car started coming. We all tried to get out of the way and I ended up stepping in a pot hole. I fell and hurt my hand and my foot. Both seem to be better and I know it will just take a little while to get well and start walking again. Fast forward to Sunday. Found out that the clutch is out in McMuffin's truck. I've said before we need to fix it and now its broken and it needs to be fixed really soon. I'm afraid it will just sit there with the excuse we can't fix it now and I'll end up with no vehicle. McMuffin will have to use my car or rather I'll let him since I only work one mile away but now is no time for this. We can't seem to fix my air in my car thats been broke for 3 years, nor can we fix the pop pop I have in my front end when I turn. The truck that I'm usually stuck with has no air, the door is screwed up and other things are screwed up on it. Now the other truck is broke and I just know there will be excuse after excuse on fixing this one too. I'm tired of this merry go round and want off.

Leading up to Christmas

Just a week is left until Christmas. The outside decorations went up early this year. I was surprised that Pop wanted to put lights up since I usually do and he never gets around to it. I gave up years ago trying to make this happen. After the lights went up we put the tree up. Last year I didn't want a tree up. It just makes me sad since the money is low and I feel like I let the kids down when they do not get what they want for Christmas. This year it will be more of the same. Pop took the list, and since Pop gets a Christmas bonus check and I dont, he goes shopping. I tagged along and gave a little direction on some things but try to stay quiet. Its up to him. I can't do what I've always done and I can't get the big things they want so I just keep my mouth closed. Do you know how hard that is? The one day the following week I get it all out and count and see how many they each got. As usual one had more than the other so Pop gets to go back and fix that problem this weekend. I'll give just a little direction and see what happens. Scooter has already notice there is not much under the tree. They each have three small gifts, I have one and Pop has none under the tree. His was his motorcycle riding suit he already has. This makes me super sad but nothing I can do about it. All my income goes to pay the bills and there is nothing left for extras. There would be extra if and when I get the doctor bills paid (6 more months hopefully) and then try getting the tutoring bill paid after that. The bonus check seemed to pay Pops parents back the money he had borrowed from them and also pay for the leather motorcycle riding suit first, then Christmas second or rather third. Hopefully by next Christmas it won't be so hard and I'll be more in the spirit. Until then Bah Humbug!!