The Good Life

Its been a long while since I updated anything. Still loving life and loving my honey. Boys are all getting along like they should. We have our bumps and bruises but learning to combine 2 families into one big one is tough for anyone. Brothers learning to be brothers and boys learning to have two loving parents in the same household that love and respect one another is something they all have to learn. On average we have "house guest" weekly at some point. Some come and just stay for weeks but I love it. I love having a house full of boys including the ones that just come and take over the couch. I'm glad they want to be with us and they chose to make our house the hang out house. The more the merrier. This way I know where they are and what they are doing.

Its almost race time so the boys are getting the race cars together and building and tuning the engines up. Its almost race time. For everyone that doesn't understand what goes on, let me explain. These boys/men will think race cars for the next few months. They will sleep, eat, dream race cars. If you dont have 4 tires and an engine good luck getting noticed. One for sure gets up on mornings that he doesnt go to school and heads to the race car. He will take a book and just sit in his car and read. Anything to just hang out inside the car. My sweet "Hello Darlin" just loves hanging with the boys and knows I dont care. The more time he spends with these boys the better off they all are. Anything the boys are doing he is right up in the middle of it. He is truly a homebody and something I've had to get use to.

Yes life is good. Its almost spring break. Its been a year since my darlin's neck surgery and it all still looks great. Dogs and kids are happy, I'm blissfully happy, and my house is rented out to a young mother and her children until it sells. Life is speeding by and we are having a party celebrating our kids and their lives. Yep loving this man and all our kids makes me smile just for nothing. Having the dogs jump over furniture to come see us at the door just makes it all that much better.

Vacation Blues?

Summer is here and its HOT outside. Even though super pop almost never went on vacation with us, this year will be different. Lots of questions have come up. Will we EVEN go on vacation? Can we just go see Monica? Can we go to the beach? Will it be just us or will everyone go?

So school is over and now the kiddos went with super pop on vacation. They have been texting me like crazy. They went to MY vacation destination that I picked out years ago and never got to go so yeah I've been a little pissy about it. Couldn't go when I wanted to go but sure could go when he knew I wasn't going. Its crap like that that doomed the marriage to begin with. Well fine. Have fun with the boys. They deserve it. They have deserved it for many many years and now its happening. Yeah and one has deserved another thing and I'm just about ready to blow the lid off of that one also. If it wouldn't throw said person out in left field and leave him wondering what happened and who blew up his world I would do just that. Actually it would blow up 3 worlds and I'm just not into blowing up kids worlds these days. Back to vacation. Yes I hope they have fun. I hope they get to see lots of shows and do lots of fun things with super pop because they do deserve to spend a little time with him.

Sooo yesterday I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I want to do for vacation. I would love to go to the beach and take the entire crew. Do some brotherly bonding/family bonding with this new and wild crew. I also need to take the boys to see Monica since we have not seen her in about 3 years or so. I would love to just go away for a couple nights on a "couples only" getaway so you can whisper that in my sexy mechanics ear if you want to. So now I know what I want to do and who I want to do it with, the question is can we do it this year or so we really need to just wait till next year. Having two houses and payments and utilities just drains everything. That won't fix itself by next year probably but who knows. Stranger things have happened. My sexy mechanic is back and I didn't think that EVER would happen. Vacation Blue? Not me. As long as I'm with this man and all 4 of these kids I don't ever plan on getting any type of blues. If it doesn't work right now it will work at some point.

Now if I could just get enough courage to tell him..................nope not blowing up their world with that little info. Its all in the eyes babydoll. Just keep looking and you will find it.

Schools Out!

Finally school is out for the summer. Hopefully all the boys passed and will move on to a new grade. Not sure what all they have planned for the summer. Hopefully they will work for a couple months before getting back in the swing of things in August for a new school year. Scott has learned that he can be exempt from test. He will hopefully work harder next year and be exempt from more test than this year. With school being out I can sleep later and not get up at 5:15 unless its to get Gil and the boys off for work. This morning was almost perfect. Got up and got Christian and Gil off to work then back to sleep.

Hopefully we can get these race cars ready and out of the garage and onto the race track soon. I'm ready to see all of them out there having fun. Its just a slow process to build all these motors and get them in the cars.

So how do you make the youngest understand that his dad will not now nor ever it seems do things with him? Just got the call that the oldest is going with dear ole dad to the baseball game. Sounds fun right? Well while they are planning this little outing the youngest would love to be included in some of the fun but hell NO. He will be dropped with dear ole mom. Not included again as usual. They both are suppose to go on vacation with him in just over a week but the youngest doesn't want to go. They never do anything with him or include him in things so why go to what was suppose to be MY vacation spot this year. Forget his feelings dear ole dad. He will get over it as always or at least he will seem like he does but one day it will bite you in the ass.

Different kind of happy

Gil and I are learning about one another and also all of these boys that we have. We are all settling in as we learn to live with new people. So far the boys all seem happy and they get along most of the time. Gil and I never know from day to day how many will be at the house to eat that night or how many will be staying the night. I love having a house full of boys. Listening to them inside and outside makes me somehow content. It doesn't matter whether its Christian picking Scott up and carrying him off down the hall or Ricky and Christian wrestling in the hall or even Billy walking thru the kitchen with the bull whip cracking. As I am learning Billy and Christian they are also learning all about me. Every day I go home after work and walk thru and pick up after them and smile. I've always HATED having to pick up clothes and stuff from where they have been dropped in the floor but for some reason this doesn't bother me at all. I just make a quick loop thru the house, scoop it all up and wash the two loads of clothes that wait for me. This just feels right somehow. Not sure if its because I've waited for almost 20 years to be this happy or what it is. I'm like the little energizer bunny running around the house cleaning up after these boys. The dirt, grease, dip cups, drink cans, tools, things left in pockets all just fits in to this group. In just a few short years some of them will be gone to college or out on their own. If everyone passes this year (fingers and toes crossed) then we will have a 8th grader, Sophmore, Junior and a Senior all living under one roof at one house plus all the ones that just come visit and stay awhile. Thats a lot of male testosterone in one house at one time. lol I knew about all the cars, dirt, grease, dip cups, drink cans, race cars, etc before I ever thought about any of this so I can't say I didn't know. The hardest part is finding some alone time whether that is just me or me and Gil together. We are working on creative ways to make it happen though. Communication is always the key. As long as we can communicate we can make all this work and work in an amazing way. I can't read his mind and he can't read my mind. If I don't tell him something is wrong he will never know and vise versa. Same thing with the boys. I've told them all several times that if I need to know something then speak up, otherwise I'll never figure it out. If you need something, you will have to tell me because with 6+ people here every night I dont have time for guessing games. Just call me, text me or send me a message on FB and let me know. If there is any way possible and not something that is really not needed then I'll do everything in my power to help make it happen. I love all my boys. There is nothing I wouldn't do for any of them.

"Daddy Built"

I love how my life has changed in the past few months. These days I don't mind coming home and washing clothes, washing dishes, sweeping or just cleaning up in general. These days I can zip through ALL the bedrooms gathering up clothes that all the boys left just laying around. Its almost funny when I walk into the laundry room knowing that at least 4 or more took showers and I find only 1 maybe 2 towels in there and I have to go find the rest along with greasy jeans, tshirts, socks etc. Never know where they will show up. So walk room to room I do each and every day all the while laughing about it.

Most days after finding all the laundry and getting it going I'm walking around finding all the coke, dr pepper, pepsi, diet dr pepper cans and anything else my crew of guys have left laying around. Do I get it spotless? Oh no way. They will just have it messy again in a few minutes so why even try. I do try and keep it semi picked up for them and I try and keep it swept so the floors are not nasty but I know they are coming in from outside in the garage or out of the driveway where there is sand etc so it really does no good at all. After getting it all semi picked up I'm ready to cook.

After spending many years trying to cook something that my family would eat then giving up cause I couldn't please anyone, I'm happy to say this group will eat anything and everything. They just don't care. Doesn't matter what it is if I cook it they will eat it. There are days they start asking what's for supper early that day cause they all know that on most days we will cook. Its all new for me and I love it. Yes I was meant to have a house full of boys. I love it.

As I sit inside watching tv or cooking or just cleaning up I usually hear bang, bang, bang coming from the garage. I know that my sweetheart is out there working on one of the race cars. Right now its Billys car and Ricky's will land in the garage just as soon as Billy's comes out. Oh how this man loves these boys. I've been in the background a long long time but never up close to it all until now. I've been really good friends forever it seems with him. I would loose touch with him then he would find me again. I don't care how much noise he makes, or how dirty he gets out there. I don't care if I go weeks with no alone time with him or if he spends all his free time with these boys. All these boys will be gone before long. Gone whether its to college or to a job or eventually off to get married and have a family of their own. Time is rapidly speeding away and there is nothing we can do to stop it. So for now I share this man with all these boys. All these cars are "Daddy Built" and thats just the way I want it. He makes sure they are safe and that they have fun. He also makes sure they learn something as it goes on as he has them doing much of the work themselves. Hopefully when they are grown they will be outside in the garage with their son's building race cars and teaching the next generation and having fun. Oh how I love this man. Yep. Our time will come one day. For now its all about the boys. Love you Ricky, Billy, Scott & Christian plus all the friends that just come hang out and I of course love you Gil. You are the light of my life, you plus all "our" boys.

Racin season

Big C's car is looking great. They have all put in lots of time on this car. The first time Mcmuffin saw it he thought there was no way it would be running any time soon but it is. The boys had to take a small break for G's surgery but after a couple weeks plus having spring break they have really gotten busy and pulled it all together. This weekend is practice. We can see how good it runs and what they need to do to it. I can't wait. Watching all this fall into place is amazing. I leave every morning for work while they sleep in and then get up and work on the race car. When I come back from work I can really tell the difference. Just as soon as they have this one finished they will start working on Billy's Nova. I'm not sure how long that will take as it is at the begining stages. They will have to put the roll cage in before getting the other things put together. Have to make sure Billy is safe above all else. Then after that its Codys and Mcmuffin's. We could end up with 4 cars this year. Now to find a trailer to pull them all. At least all the boys are now old enough to drive so they can help get the cars to the track. Its almost race time and I'm excited. I can't wait to go listen to all the cars. This is where this all began almost 19 years ago and we have come full circle it seems and I'm loving it and all of these boys.

changes

Its been a long while since I wrote anything. A lot has changed. We are now the McMuffin 3 and not McMuffin 4. Pops moved out in September and we have divorced. It was a long time coming. I was so unhappy and I know I made everyone else unhappy. We probably should have done this years ago. About 8 or 9 years ago it almost happened and I just couldn't do it. We both knew then how unhappy I was and had been many years before that. There were times it got a little better but I was just there for the kids. When your adopted or rather when your an only child and your parents have passed splitting from a spouse is scary. Even in the good times I knew I wanted out but my McMuffins are my life. There are times when being lonely takes over when I need a backup plan and I have no one. When Pops and I split, it broke McMuffin's heart. It totally blindsided him. I knew it would. Pops is his hero. He never saw any of the things that I saw or heard. Hopefully he can see how happy I am and learn to accept my new life. I have reconnected with an old love, someone that I have loved for a very long time. He has always had this effect on me. He makes me smile and laugh. I can be myself with him and he understands. He loves my kids and I love his son and also the one he "adopted". He is amazing and always has been. Will I tie the knot again? I have no idea. Only time will tell. I've been hearing this question alot lately but I have no idea what the future will bring. I would gladly do anything and everything for him. I love being loved by him. I love watching him with all the boys and all the kids that come to his house. He once told me he would never do it again and I totally understand. But to see McMuffin with him and watch them together knowing how long I have waited for them to connect like this (17 long years) just brings tears to my eyes. To see all three or rather 4 kids together is just unbelieveable. They all 4 deserve parents that love one another. This we can give them whether we are married or not. I'm totally ok with that. But to hear McMuffin singing with the other boys is just more than I thought would ever happen three months ago. Scooter just rolled with the flow but I didn't think McMuffin ever would get there or forgive me. Looks like he has finally forgiven me and is on board. I looked at my sexy mechanic yesterday and I just knew. This is it. Having a house full of kids is what I was meant to do. We will go broke trying to feed them all but having this country palace as the hang out for all these kids is just amazing. Kids laying everywhere and loving us both. I love you Gil, Ricky, Billy, Scott and yes even you Christian. You are apart of this crazy family now and always.